home sweet home

Hey,

Im at home. Sitting in my living room. Watching Farmer Wants a Wife with my parents. haha. I’m glad i’m not 30 yet :S sounds so lonely.

Speaking of lonely…i feel lonely alot. I mean, im so busy its ridiculous…i guess that helps. But those moments when something funny happens, or you see a particular happy couple…im not going to lie it hurts sometimes.

The other day i went back to this club i promised i wouldnt go back to for a long time..or at least until i was with someone. But for the second time since ive been back i was there. It just represents everything im against now. All the times i went there and felt trapped in a rut, all the times i pined for a guy, all the times i saw people happy together…all the money i spent. I had to promise myself on exchange that i wouldnt go back to that…it represents everything that i wanted to change about my life back here.

I was doing so well since ive got back. I was out at scary canary in the city, meeting german people. Meeting people. going to trivia on tuesdays, ranch on wednesdays, fridays parties.

This week i’m went out to St Johns tonight, tomorrow im going to lunch with someone,  uni, then city for the summer camp meeting. Then wednesday i have a show tomorrow night. Then thursday i have uni then meeting up with my friend R…and friday ive got to go to either see the Germans or to Kathyrn’s dinner. Dont even get started about the weekend..W and i have to meet up…i have to go sailing for 3 hours. All this and i have an assignment on monday, and a test on thursday next week. I dont know how i will manage. Especially since psych is pretty hard. I have to get a good mark. I guess i will go read the textbook tomorrow. Then saturate myself in it. I will also do African…i WILL finish that. I will. Soooo not much time to feel too lonely. But its always there. It influences how you interact with people (*cough guys*) you meet. In the holidays i should also go see Sanna and Orla.

I’m glad i’m doing so much. I feel so restless and worried when i’m not doing anything.

When i do have a moment to myself though i do wish i had someone, or at least a crush who actually had potential. Not a dickhead. Someone who i can feel secure in their arms and all that. All i know is when i do find someone i will not ever cheat. I will appreciate who i’m with alot. When i can express how i feel about this more adequately i’ll write about it. I guess it’s kind of numbed me at the moment so i don’t really want to dig it up, but im sure it will roar it’s head again soon.

I think i’ll go..for now,

Speak soon xoxo