the pressure of being the right age.

If i don’t think too hard about my exchange experience, i don’t feel too bad. It’s pretty simple right? Alas, sometimes i look back on the already dwindling memories and i cave in. I decide to relive a particularly amazing memory, and my heart bleeds for my exchange experience.

Then i think to myself, Becky, you weren’t always happy there. In fact, rather more than a minority of time you were frustrated because you weren’t living quite enough. You were in America and you were in your dorm room etc etc.

It’s now obvious why time heals most (all?) wounds. It results in your memory fading, the details eroding on the corner of every memory. Sure, don’t forget all the memories, thats why you kept a diary, dear Becky, and took so many photos. But you need to move on and time, as well as limiting thinking about the past, will help you. Make new memories and treasure them as if you were still on exchange.

In a way, you are. You’re living in a period of your life that every young child wants to be in, and everyone older than you lusts for. Whether it’s putting on mummys high heels or inserting botox into the fine wrinkles of their hands, most women want to look how you look now. But its not just that. This is the time in your life when people make decisions that alter their lives, and their careers. This is the time when people regret things and in future days to come chant ”if only”.

 The pressure from being ”the right age” is huge. For some, it leads to depression, others to become self obsessed, whether it be with their appearance or their personality and value. It leads to questioning, and realising. Realising some people your age already have plans and if you don’t start moving soon you will be left eating their dust. And that can be paralyzing. Some people wake up just in time and grasp the opportunities that come their way, and make the opportunities come their way.

For me, i always question if i’m doing enough. Sailing, St Johns, friends, University…but what about driving and working and making memories?? What about that crushing feeling that at the prime of my life im not doing enough?? But i have to realise i have done alot. Living in another country when you are only 18 was huge Becky. Huge. You have alot of initative. Sure, you may have regrets that you didn’t do more, but it’s not like you didn’t do anything. And you can still do lots.

You are laying down the ground work for a successful future, and you’re not throwing this time to the wind and the wild. You’re doing well. You’re doing good.

So yes, plan for the future, and reminise sometimes on the past, but mostly live in the freaking present or reap the conseqences. Unnecessary worry is not a good look on you.

You can’t change the past but you can change the now.

Peace xoxo.